Someone sent me these “Bad Metaphors and Similes” in an email about six years ago. I take them out whenever I need a chuckle.
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. – Sue Lin Chong
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. – Roy Ashley
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. – Chuck Smith
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. – Russell Beland
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. – Wayne Goode
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
– Paul Kocak
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
– Russell Beland
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
– Barbara Collier
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. – Susan Reese
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. — Unknown